Not having seen a healthy Christian relationship work…ever…I am a bit at a loss to know exactly how husbands and wives are supposed to relate to one another. I LOVE talking. It is how I process my thoughts and feelings and how I get close to another person. It is my “sex” if that is okay to say. The thing is, the person I want to talk to more than anyone else (my spouse) is not a talker.
How to I negotiate this? How do I “get all my words out” and still submit to his authority? Is my desire to discuss all my future hopes and dreams really my own assertions that he can’t do the job properly, my way of taking back some control? Or is this just a need that should be met by my husband? Am I being selfish? I definitely can’t trust the world’s view on this and even in some Christian circles the male/female relationships have gotten convoluted.
I have been reading some good blogs lately and like I posted in the previous post, I have been doing a lot of thinking about the Christian Agrarian lifestyle and the community that can follow (or does follow if you live in Santa Anna, TX). [See Biblical Agrarianism and Lazarus Unbound and my personal favorite Country Mom, whose blog I follow on my sidebar] These issues that I keep mulling over are the ones that I so desperately want to discuss with the one person that can truly impact these decisions, my husband. He does allow me to talk about them, but the discussion is usually one-sided because he doesn’t have any new information to add. It is always a sermon; me giving away information and not knowing how to ask for any reciprocation. I can’t jump into this lifestyle on my own besides being completely impractical, it feels out of the bounds of womanly submission. I know that once Eric gets into this stuff, I think he will really like it (which scares me a little bit too!) because he has never been a “city boy.”
Argghhh!!! Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Do I just stay silent, on my knees waiting for the Lord to move in my husband? How much do I say, when do I say it? Ladies, please just pray for discernment on my part. I tend to focus on other people so much (and their flaws…if only he would change…) that I miss what the Lord is trying to show me. Perhaps He is showing me that I should run to Him for discussion on these topics and trust that Eric will be moved in the direction the Lord wants us to go.