I thoroughly love the idea of wearing skirts and dresses all the time, but the last few days have been difficult. It started on Thursday, when I wore pants to Wal-Mart. The feeling wasn’t pleasant, and I happily wore a skirt on Friday. I had planned to finish sewing a skirt on Friday and then wear it. I didn’t sew on Friday, but since I was already wearing a skirt, I just pushed my plans to Saturday. My mom usually takes my kids for me on the first Saturday of every month because she loves the Home Depot Free Project as well as spending time with her grandkids. Well, although the day started off slower than normal, I did manage to spend plenty of time sewing my skirt…but I never finished it!!! I needed white thread for a particular seam and though I had a bobbin full, I couldn’t find the spool anywhere!!! When it was time to pick up the kids, I was forced to pull on my jeans again to pick them up. I went “all out” in my old fashion- jeans, t-shirt, athletic shoes. I was surprised to remember how comfortable my running shoes are, maybe I will work out more. All in all, I was dressed extremely casually and though I had my moments where I wished I had been in a skirt, I still felt okay.
Today was different. Today is Sunday, the Lord’s Day. I attend an extremely casual church and though I absolutely love their Bible teaching, I sometimes feel like I should be dressed up more for church. In the past, there has been nothing to distinguish my “Sunday” clothes from the rest- I just wear whatever is clean, also known as jeans and a t-shirt. Even though it is summer, my Pacific Northwest home is still undecided about its season. Today, we had gray skies and what looked like a chilly day. The past two days have been cold enough that I had to get sweatshirts for my kids to play outside. I didn’t have any long skirts clean, the only two skirts I did have were knee-length. I didn’t have any tights or hose that fit (it is extremely difficult to find good quality pantyhose when you are a plus-size!!!) and on top of that, I don’t have any shoes that I can wear with hose! I was exasperated because I did want to wear a skirt to church. I suppose I should have gone in my skirt with my sandal-heels and just worn a sweater, but I asked my husband’s opinion and he told me to wear jeans. I did.
The problem is that unlike yesterday, at the end of the day I wasn’t displeased with my outfit. I am wearing my “dress” jeans, if in fact that is possible, and I tried to wear a nice shirt, I curled my hair and put on a little make-up. Then, I wore my sandal-heels to feel dressier. I felt good about myself. It makes me question if what I have been thinking about (wearing dresses exclusively) is actually a good thing. I don’t want to stand out so far that people are repulsed by me and I always get the feeling when I am looking at a skirt or dress for someone my size that it resembles more of a tent than a garment. Am I alone in these thoughts? There are so many very pretty and feminine things out there, I just feel like, because I am overweight, that they don’t look either pretty nor feminine on me. I think that they just look like I am trying to be Amish (or Mennonite or Hutterite) and though I am a Christian, I am not any of those and do not particularly desire to be identified as one. I sincerely wish that wearing dresses was more culturally acceptable because that would make wearing them infinitely easier.